I attend a new mother's group, as is customary for first time mums, and despite living in a small country town there is a wide demographic of women in the group. There's the Melbourne tree changers (of which I am one), the professional careerists, the horsey country types, the teenage mums... each trying to navigate the new landscape.
One of the mothers proclaimed that mothering was "easier than work" to which I thought, Jesus, your job must've been frickin' hard! But really, she indicated that she had a cruisey baby and in antenatal classes she and her partner said they weren't child friendly so I imagine they were expecting the worst and were pleasantly surprised by the reality.
I ran into another mother in town yesterday who mentioned this comment and that she had spent a day crying wondering if she was the only mother who hated it. Meanwhile, I ran into her with some fried food in my hand lamenting how I got caught eating crap by a mother who I admire for her healthy eating!
Women compare each other, by nature (I realise I am generalising but most women I know suffer this affliction). Combined with the hormones and the adjusting to the new role of motherhood, it just makes things worse.
I make a point of laughing off my fried food busting (it's a good thing, really, that there's no Maccas in my area so I can drive through and secretly scoff in my car) and anything else that could make me feel inadequate. My regrowth. My comfy tshirt with the holes that I wear in public. I could go on. At the end of the day, I wouldn't change one thing about my son, even though he gives me hell sometimes. I'm not gonna compare myself to anyone else because things are never as perfect as they appear on the other side.
I wish I could convince my best friend that. She is desperate to get pregnant, because she is surrounded by mothers and mothers-to-be, and I am on a mission to convince her to enjoy what she has, not lament what she doesn't have.
It's taken me years to finally appreciate the beauty of where I live and not lament the fact that sometimes I feel like I live in the middle of nowhere... mind you, online shopping has helped!
Hmm... this is all getting a bit too Tolle now... how about a 90's jam to get pumping on a Tuesday arvo.
Tuesday 29 May 2012
Monday 28 May 2012
The Guilty Complex
I like to say that as soon as my son was born, I immediately felt a flood of guilt envelope me and has resided in my every cell ever since.
What I mean by guilt is guilt over throwing out food, clothing, nappies, any other goods, wastage, the poor underpaid and exploited people in China/Pakistan etc that make everything I own, the fact that my child has everything to the point where his grandfather is building him a swimming pool just so he can play at their beach house, when others have nothing; that I eat too much, etc etc etc etc.
It kind of boils down to that 'first world problems' gag, ie, those who are struggling don't have time to feel guilt about anything, they're just trying to survive, and here am I whining!
So I am thinking... as a first time parent you get overloaded with tons of stuff and heaps of it you never use... I would like to start collecting this stuff (creams, baby bath gel, clothing, etc) and making some hampers to give to a charity which can distribute them to new mothers who have little money or support? I like to think that motherhood is kind of a sorority that you join which means we are all in it together, and we should support each other in their times of need. When Goo was born, I recieved a beautiful hamper from the CWA that had samplers and knitted stuff and it was really touching.
What do you think, or is it too patronising?
What I mean by guilt is guilt over throwing out food, clothing, nappies, any other goods, wastage, the poor underpaid and exploited people in China/Pakistan etc that make everything I own, the fact that my child has everything to the point where his grandfather is building him a swimming pool just so he can play at their beach house, when others have nothing; that I eat too much, etc etc etc etc.
It kind of boils down to that 'first world problems' gag, ie, those who are struggling don't have time to feel guilt about anything, they're just trying to survive, and here am I whining!
So I am thinking... as a first time parent you get overloaded with tons of stuff and heaps of it you never use... I would like to start collecting this stuff (creams, baby bath gel, clothing, etc) and making some hampers to give to a charity which can distribute them to new mothers who have little money or support? I like to think that motherhood is kind of a sorority that you join which means we are all in it together, and we should support each other in their times of need. When Goo was born, I recieved a beautiful hamper from the CWA that had samplers and knitted stuff and it was really touching.
What do you think, or is it too patronising?
'Mummy Makeovers'
Rant time. (Again).
This morning on Channel 7's The Morning Show, which runs from 9am - 11:30am and whose primary target audience is stay-at-home parents (particularly women), there was a segment called "The Mummy Makeover". It featured some sort of cosmetic surgeon and a "patient" of said surgeon (I use inverted commas because it seemed so orchestrated to me like a paid advertisement with actors) talking about mothers who are 'getting their pre-pregnancy bodies back'.
I do not know where to begin in describing how heinous this is. If you want liposuction, laser therapy, tummy tuck etc as a means of last resort as the only thing that will make you happy (and my suggestion is, that it has more to do with your own perception of what you should look like rather than the reality) then that's fine, you can come to this decision without any input from morning television. However, to me, putting this segment on this program targeting this demographic is basically preying on mothers who are mostly at home, alone, coping with raising children and the associated hormones and body changes that go with it.
I got quite upset because the last few days I have started to have feelings about how my body looks. I describe it as being "banged up", the same body I had before but a few dents, scratches and chips now. My jeans don't do up the same they used to, I bulge in different places, and sometimes I really don't like what I see in the mirror - which really isn't that different to how I felt before I was even pregnant. Actually, I have a good reason now why I look like I do, I've successfully carried and am nourishing a 7 week old baby. And I have to remind myself this, to not get myself down... and seeing people getting nipped and tucked doesn't exactly help.
The Morning Show should be more responsible and promote how to be happy with who you are, what you are, and if they're going to talk self-improvement, let it be about diet and exercise, not cosmetic surgery. You look at where the US is in terms of obsession with perfection and cosmetic surgery being a social norm, and it's terrifying. We don't want to go there.
FYI, if the Morning Show would like to take me up, I'll happily go on air and show them all my flaws and maybe that'll make people feel better about themselves and how good that look in comparison!!
This morning on Channel 7's The Morning Show, which runs from 9am - 11:30am and whose primary target audience is stay-at-home parents (particularly women), there was a segment called "The Mummy Makeover". It featured some sort of cosmetic surgeon and a "patient" of said surgeon (I use inverted commas because it seemed so orchestrated to me like a paid advertisement with actors) talking about mothers who are 'getting their pre-pregnancy bodies back'.
I do not know where to begin in describing how heinous this is. If you want liposuction, laser therapy, tummy tuck etc as a means of last resort as the only thing that will make you happy (and my suggestion is, that it has more to do with your own perception of what you should look like rather than the reality) then that's fine, you can come to this decision without any input from morning television. However, to me, putting this segment on this program targeting this demographic is basically preying on mothers who are mostly at home, alone, coping with raising children and the associated hormones and body changes that go with it.
I got quite upset because the last few days I have started to have feelings about how my body looks. I describe it as being "banged up", the same body I had before but a few dents, scratches and chips now. My jeans don't do up the same they used to, I bulge in different places, and sometimes I really don't like what I see in the mirror - which really isn't that different to how I felt before I was even pregnant. Actually, I have a good reason now why I look like I do, I've successfully carried and am nourishing a 7 week old baby. And I have to remind myself this, to not get myself down... and seeing people getting nipped and tucked doesn't exactly help.
The Morning Show should be more responsible and promote how to be happy with who you are, what you are, and if they're going to talk self-improvement, let it be about diet and exercise, not cosmetic surgery. You look at where the US is in terms of obsession with perfection and cosmetic surgery being a social norm, and it's terrifying. We don't want to go there.
FYI, if the Morning Show would like to take me up, I'll happily go on air and show them all my flaws and maybe that'll make people feel better about themselves and how good that look in comparison!!
Friday 25 May 2012
Unsolicited Advice
Excuse me? Are your kids fucking perfect angels because you never drank alcohol or coffee or hurried your kid to sleep so you could write a blog? I bet not!
And if I hear another person say "oh he's hungry" every time he lets out a cry, I will bitch slap them. I can think of about 10 other reasons he's crying other than hunger, and one of them may be because you're all up in his grill with your nasty perfume wafting his way pissing him off.
I just don't get it. You stay locked at home until he's school age so you look like a model parent. I'm gonna go shopping, grab a coffee and live my life. Each to their own.
In the meantime, STFU!
...
I will footnote this post by saying that I am *very* conscious of other people's comfort and won't have my baby out in public if he's feral. That's just not pleasant for anyone. But if he grizzles, big whoop. Some people's speaking voices are more grating.
The Go To Sleep Shuffle
Today I have been attempting to get Goo to sleep. The problem is, one day Goo will sleep in his cot, another he will scream blue murder if I try to place him in there. This is one of those days. So for the past 3 hours, I have been trying to get him down to sleep - the longest I have managed is 30 minutes in his bouncy chair. He will inevitably wake himself up, as he tends to because his arms have minds of their own and slap him in the face... for 3 hours I have been going all over the house trying to find an agreeable location where he will sleep!
A lot of mothers are all about routine. I don't have a daytime routine... I just crisis manage until he passes out at night.
I should probably just be grateful for the 30 minutes of peace I get at a time.
A lot of mothers are all about routine. I don't have a daytime routine... I just crisis manage until he passes out at night.
I should probably just be grateful for the 30 minutes of peace I get at a time.
Stay-at-Home Oneupmanship
Today I had a facebook conversation with one of my best friends who has a 10 month old. She subscribed to a facebook page called "The Organised Housewife" which turned into a game of "I'm more of a slob than you" oneupmanship (or is that onedownmanship?)
Gen-Y style stay at home parenting. Nothing to be proud of really.
Gen-Y style stay at home parenting. Nothing to be proud of really.
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