Unsolicited Advice

The moment someone spots you carrying a baby, they immediately think that you would benefit from their expertise. I wrote that sentence with all the sarcasm I could muster. I make jokes, that's how I cope in life, deflect uncomfortable conversations or relate to people I don't know very well. So when I joked that I was coping with motherhood by "caffinating myself" I was met with a stern frown and a "are you breastfeeding? You need to watch that, that might be why he's so hyperactive."

Excuse me? Are your kids fucking perfect angels because you never drank alcohol or coffee or hurried your kid to sleep so you could write a blog? I bet not!

And if I hear another person say "oh he's hungry" every time he lets out a cry, I will bitch slap them. I can think of about 10 other reasons he's crying other than hunger, and one of them may be because you're all up in his grill with your nasty perfume wafting his way pissing him off.

I just don't get it. You stay locked at home until he's school age so you look like a model parent. I'm gonna go shopping, grab a coffee and live my life. Each to their own.

In the meantime, STFU!




...

I will footnote this post by saying that I am *very* conscious of other people's comfort and won't have my baby out in public if he's feral. That's just not pleasant for anyone. But if he grizzles, big whoop. Some people's speaking voices are more grating.